my lifeline
by glitter blizzard
Summary: "Sasuke? Please talk to me." You want to run from her — from her love and understanding and her warm voice and light laughter — but you don't. She's the only thing keeping you from falling apart. /AU
1. your heart is out of order

_Originally, this is planned as a one-shot, but I have a second chapter written and if there is enough interest, I will continue it as a multi-chapter fic. _

_The inspiration for this fic is the recent death of someone close to me, and I will try to approach the subject of death with as much maturity and emotional attachment as I can, without investing myself too much in it. Please, do review. It means a lot to me to hear your opinion._

_Please, enjoy:_

* * *

_"Sasuke?" Her voice is filled with worry and she looks at you through her lashes, her green eyes trying to read the emotions you are so good at hiding. She reaches out and touches your shoulder and even though your heart jumps in your chest, you don't react. She frowns deeply and you hate yourself, because she's beautiful when she smiles and when she looks at you with bright green eyes, happiness radiating from every pore. She's innocent to the suffering and the pain— the devastation. You don't want her to know of the darkness within you. You're afraid you're going to diminish the light she holds within her._

_You don't deserve her. You know this. Everyone knows this. She's beautiful and smart and **good.** She's happy and she smiles at everyone and everything. She's content and she wants to help you. Her hand squeezes your shoulder and she's yet again showing you that silent support you haven't earned._

**_You'll never be good enough for her._**

_You try to smile for her. Just a little curl of your lips, because that's all you're capable of these days but your lips don't move and you end up staring at her with a blank expression on your tired face. She smiles tentatively at you, a gesture of understanding and acceptance and you find yourself feeling angry at her. She doesn't understand. She will never understand so why is she trying so hard? Why? She doesn't know how much you are hurting. She doesn't understand the extent of your suffering. She doesn't understand that there's no hope for you. Why? Why doesn't she understand? Why is she refusing to see and acknowledge the obvious?_

**_Because she loves you._**

_You close your eyes. The only sound surrounding you — the only sound you care about **—** is her rhythmic breathing. You think of your parents, buried deep underground, never to take another breath. You feel lost. You feel empty. There is no hope._

_"Sasuke? Please talk to me."_

_You want to run from her — from her love and understanding and her warm voice and light laughter — but you don't._

_She's the only thing keeping you from falling apart._

_But you can't love her because your heart is already dead._

**_I'm sorry._**


	2. why is the quiet so loud?

_It's a bit difficult for you but you do it. You open your eyes and the bright sunshine streaming through the window hits your face. You curse and roll on your stomach to hide from the light — you've never been a fan of it and it reminds you of your mother and how the sunshine made her hair look dark blue instead of the black it really was. **Was. **__You begin to hate that word._

_You remind yourself to tell Itachi to stop pulling the curtains apart every morning. He is not going to listen but you feel at peace, as odd as it sounds, when you're snapping at him. It is a routine, you know, something that's been a constant and hasn't changed, and something that reminds you of your parents. You imagine your mother frowning, and despite the fondness in her eyes, she tells you to stop squabbling like little children and enjoy your time together like mature people._

_You nod but roll your eyes at each other when she turns away from you. Your father catches you and gives you a warning look but there's a curl to his lips. _

_When you go downstairs, you find Itachi at the table. He's sitting at the head of the table, where your father used to sit, and your hands clench inside your pockets. You walk with robotic movements, stiff and sharp, and you take your seat on Itachi's left because the right is reserved for your mother. Itachi folds the newspaper and sets it aside and then slowly, his eyes meet yours._

_You are overwhelmed with memories. You, five years old, crying because you fell off the tree trying to get your ball back. Itachi, calmly taking care of your injuries and quietly telling you to be careful, and if you ever need help again, please call him — **aniki —**__to avoid hurting yourself again._

_Then you are seven, and you have your report card with you. You're happy because you have only As and you want to show your father. But he isn't there. You're unhappy and you sit in your room and stare at your perfect scores and you feel **angry** at him for not being there again. Itachi finds you and when he takes the report card in his hands, there's a single teardrop drying in the center of the paper. He sits on the bed next to you and puts his hand on your shoulder._

_"You did well, Sasuke." He tells you and then he frames the report card. You watch in wonder as he puts the frame in the showcase in Father's study, the one that displays all of Itachi's trophies. You smile brightly when you see it at the very front and you hug Itachi tightly, a whispered 'thank you, **aniki' **lingering in the air between you._

_You are ten, and you have gotten in trouble in school. It's Naruto's fault but your father doesn't accept this as an excuse. You should have known better, he tells you, you are an Uchiha! Your brother stands up for you, and even though you've long stopped worshiping him and started hating him for being your father's favourite, you listen to him and you thank him wordlessly, using only your eyes. He understands and the glare he gives your father makes you hate him just a little bit less._

_His voice distracts you from your thoughts. He is speaking and you only catch the middle of his sentence and flick your wrist dismissively. He is talking about a relative who wants to visit, a cousin or an aunt, but you don't care. You have had enough of people pretending to care._

_"Sasuke," Itachi sounds stern and he reminds you so much of your father, that you unconsciously shrink in your chair and wait for him to tell you what you aren't doing right. "The principle called me yesterday. He said you've been talking back to the teachers again."  
_

_You roll your eyes and straighten again. You don't answer and instead work on ruining the carefully arranged onigiri on your plate._

_"This can't go on, Sasuke. Your teachers aren't going to take this for much longer. There is a limit to people's sympathy." Itachi reaches out and grasps your wrist, stopping you from stabbing the last onigiri. You look up and you know you look annoyed. Itachi doesn't back down and he stares calmly at you, but the strong grasp he has on your wrist tells you otherwise. "Stop this, Sasuke. Don't ruin yourself."_

_You yank your wrist from his grasp and pull your chair back. The chair's legs scrape loudly against the floor and in your head, your mother's reprimanding you while brandishing a spatula. There's a small smile curling at the corners of your lips and you turn your back on Itachi's mildly confused look. "Che. Leave me alone."_

_He does._

_..._

_You arrive at school and see Sakura standing under the shade of the huge oak tree, talking to some guy, who is gesturing wildly around with his hands. He has this look in his eyes, a look that you, as a male, understand perfectly. He likes Sakura. You shove your hands in your pockets and cross the parking lot with a few strides of your long legs. It doesn't take long for Sakura to notice you and her entire face lights up when she sees you. She puts a hand on the boy's shoulder to stop him from talking and she says something quietly. You guess it's goodbye, because the boy's shoulders sag in disappointment and he watches wistfully as she turns and walks away from him. _

_Towards **you.**_

_You try not to smirk at the thought._

_"Hey." She greets you with a smile. Her fruity perfume invades your senses and you takes a small step forward. Sakura's smile widens and she hugs the light blue binder closer to her chest. "Shall we go, then? Naruto said he's saving us seats."_

_You nod and you head towards the main building. There is going to be a lecture about drugs and alcohol. It's because of the scandal with the group of high school kids found in the forest a couple of days ago. Two of them dead from overdose, the others already chucked in rehab. You roll your eyes in annoyance. You're not stupid enough to take drugs, even to somehow numb your pain. The school doesn't care and you have to attend, but you don't mind as much as you pretend to. Naruto and Sakura will be there to keep you company._

_You study Sakura, from her long pink hair pulled in a high ponytail, to her short summer dress and wedge sandals. She looks beautiful and alive and you want to reach out and touch her to make sure she is real, that she is there and not going to leave you. But you refrain. Your hands ball in fists in your pockets but you keep quiet. You've always been good at keeping your emotions to yourself._

_"So, Naruto and I were thinking of going to the pep rally this year." She says and you grimace. You have never liked crowds and practically the whole school gathers for the pep rallies. You've never liked sports, either. You played before, only because your father expected you to, but he is dead and you feel wrong dressed in football gear, knowing he'll never see you score a touchdown ever again. You want to tell her that. You want to tell her everything and watch as the light slowly goes off in her green eyes and how her mouth opens but no sounds come out because she **doesn't **know what to say. But you don't. Because you're not cruel._

_Sakura sees your grimace, but doesn't see the rest of your inner turmoil. She rolls her eyes at you good-naturedly and speaks again. "Come on, Sasuke! I know you don't like crowds and people, yadda yadda yadda." She rolls her eyes to emphasize her point and you feel like sticking your tongue out but you don't. Because Uchihas don't do that. "But this is our last year, Sasuke, might as well make it our best! It won't do us bad if we show some school spirit, too." When she sees your deadpan expression, she frowns._

_"Come on, Sasuke! We're going to get one of those silly flags with the school insignia on it and wave it around like lunatics. We're going to shout with the rest of the school when they score. We're gonna eat some of that disgustingly unhealthy but utterly delicious food they sell and we're going to enjoy it. Because we're meant to do stuff like that. We're in high school, Sasuke." She grabs your elbow and you stop along with her. She steps in front of you and looks up at you, green eyes wide and pleading, and you know, without a doubt, that she has you under her spell._

_"Fine." You say finally. The word comes out almost unwillingly but it's worth it to see her eyes light up. She claps her hands together happily and you see that she wants to hug you, but she doesn't. You frown, because you know you're the reason she refrains._

_When you see Naruto, she throws her arms around him and gives him one of the biggest hugs as a greeting. You try not to feel jealous as Naruto laughs and lifts her from the ground, spinning her around. And you try to ignore the stab in your heart when she lets out one of her musical laughs, ruffles Naruto's hair and hugs him tighter._

_You know there is nothing going on between them, but you know Naruto has a crush on her. You don't blame him. _

_When they finally let go of each other, you see a light blush on your best friend's tan cheeks and you look away. Sakura doesn't notice but she never does. She only has eyes for you and you feel cruel satisfaction in knowing Naruto has no chance, because she's yours, even if you don't accept her._

_"Come on." Naruto says. "I saved us the best seats." In Naruto speak, this means he has saved you the seats at the back, at the far corner, where nobody can see you and thus nag you for not paying any attention. You follow your friends there and you sit on Naruto's left, and Sakura sits on his right. He is always in the middle. You don't know why but you feel it's right, and you don't question it._

_"Look." Sakura's excited voice brings you back to the present and you look over at them. Sakura hands Naruto a sheet of paper, and on it, she has drawn two manga characters that you don't know the name of, engaged in a fierce battle. The colours are bright and the lines are sharp and defined. Sakura has talent, you muse._

_Naruto thinks so too. "Sakura-chan, that's awesome!" He says and he looks at it in awe. "How do you do this stuff?"_

_Sakura shrugs modestly, her cheeks going a little pink at Naruto's praise. You want to touch her cheeks, to feel the warmth they must radiate, but you don't. Your hands ball in fists and you stay quiet. You watch as they start talking excitedly, looking blissfully cheerful and carefree. You are reminded again, how you'll never be like them._

_You ignore them for the rest of the lecture._

_..._

_"What are you eating, Sakura-chan?" Naruto's disgusted voice makes you turn and you watch as Sakura smears some gooey substance on a warm bagel she bought from the pavilion next to the school._

_"Something healthy." Sakura replies and moves her Tupperware container towards Naruto. It's full of this gooey substance. "It's called hummus." She says. "And it's delicious."_

_Naruto scratches his head and looks at the container with distrustful eyes. "Isn't humus soil or something? I know you're into organic food and everything, Sakura-chan, but that's taking it a bit too far."_

_"Naruto, you idiot." Sakura says, rolling her eyes. "Hummus, not humus. And humus is not soil, it's a component of soil. And it's made of decayed plants and animal residues and I'm a vegetarian. Just try it."_

_Naruto gags, a bit dramatically, and turns to his ramen. "No thanks."_

_Sakura turns to you. "Sasuke?" She pushes the container towards you. "Come on, the only thing you've eaten lately is cherry tomatoes. This isn't healthy."_

_"I'm fine." You insist. You take a cherry tomato from your bag and throw it in Sakura's hummus._

_Her mouth drops open and she glares at you. "Very mature." She huffs and plucks the tomato from the container, throwing it in her mouth. "I'm just trying to bring some diversity in your lives. You should be a bit more grateful."_

_You and Naruto exchange a look, one of the few times you agree on something, and shake your heads at Sakura. She sticks her tongue out at you both and returns to eating her bagel with soil. Naruto returns to slurping his ramen. You don't feel hungry anymore and just sit there and watch them._

_**They are here**, you think_, _**they are not going to leave.**_

_"Do you guys want to go the Deli later and do our homework there?" Sakura asks. _

_Naruto shrugs. "Sure. Mum wanted to shop but I can cancel that."_

_You grit your teeth. Your mother is never going to force you to go shopping with her. You're jealous of Naruto and you're angry at him for wasting away the opportunity to be with his mother. But your house will be empty and every time you are left alone for too long, you start thinking and choking on memories. You nod. "Alright."_

_"I have field hockey practice." She reminds them. "I can't miss this one."_

_"We'll come and watch, right, Sasuke?" Naruto asks and nudges you. There's no need for that. You like watching Sakura practice. She has this air of confidence about her and she seems to be surrounded by crackling energy as she runs across the field. The sunlight makes her hair look darker and her eyes brighter and greener. She always complains about how gross she looks after, but you don't agree._

_"Speaking of," She starts, looking them while biting her lip. "Auntie and I will be participating in the tennis tournament in the club. I was wondering if you'd like to come and watch us."_

_"Of course!" Naruto says in a heartbeat, grinning. "Can't miss watching you and Baa-chan kicking some prissy rich asses, right?"_

_"Stop calling her that, Naruto." Sakura says automatically, but there is no heat behind it. Naruto has called her baa-chan for years and no one, not even Tsunade's fists, have managed to literary punch the habit out of him. "Sasuke? You're going to come, right?" You know this is important to her. You nod and her face lights up in smile. You try to smile for her but the only thing you manage is a half-assed smirk._

_ She looks at you as if she understands and you continue with your day._

_..._

_It's getting darker and colder, but you can't seem to muster the strength to stand up. You are sitting between your parents graves and you are staring at the grass in front of you. You have been quiet for the most part. You know is silly, sitting there. You know your parents won't answer you, even if you're pleading them. You imagine your mother, her kind face and her sad little frown, she's telling you "Stop doing this yourself, Sasuke. Please, get better. For me." and she sounds uncannily like Sakura and this is where you stop thinking about it._

_Your father is silent, he's imposing and his gaze is hard and blunt. He tells you "Get your act together, boy. You are an_ **Uchiha.**_"_

_Your father always put a lot of pride in your family name._

_"I miss you." You say quietly and the sudden wind carries away the words you find so hard to utter._

_"Sasuke." You jump and for a moment, you think you hear your father. But when you look up and meet Itachi's calm eyes — calm, always so calm — you freeze and wait for him to speak again. "Let's go home, Sasuke." He says. "You'll get sick sitting here." Itachi doesn't seem affected by the sight of your parents graves. He has always been stronger than you. He's able to move past the pain. But you can't. Itachi extends his hand for you to take, but you stand up on your own. Your legs a little numb and you take a couple of small steps to get used to feeling them again. You walk past Itachi's extended hand and head for where you've parked your car.  
_

_You stop when you don't hear Itachi's footsteps following you._

_"Are you coming?"_

_He joins you a second later and you leave quietly._

_You've never been good with words anyway._


	3. there is no one who can save you

___"Why we should need to wallow in this reality, relive it again and again, poke and prod and examine it until our eyes are bleeding, our hearts crushed with the horror and inconceivable sadness of it, is beyond me." — Beautiful Malice.  
_

_..._

_"Sasuke." Sakura waves her hand in front of your face and you snap back to reality. She frowns at you and you notice she is closer to you then you remember her to be. You count the freckles on her nose and you remember her complaining about how much she hates them. You count thirty-three. You like the number. You've always liked odd numbers. "You're doing it again." She says and she sounds displeased._

_"What?" You ask, confused._

_"Spacing out on me while I'm talking." She taps her pen against her notebook and bites on her lower lip absently. "Do you.." She starts hesitantly and then stops herself. She stares at you quietly and you see the struggle in her. Suddenly, you know what she'll try to ask you and you turn your head away. This is enough to discourage her. There is gnawing feeling inside your chest and you realise that you feel guilty. You know it's for the best, though, and you squash down the traitorous feelings._

_"Anyway." Sakura says and laughs a little. She's embarrassed and perhaps a little hurt but she does her best to hide it. '"Are you finished with your calc homework? We promised to eat dinner over at Naruto's tonight."_

_You close your notebook with a snap and gather the rest of the textbooks and notebooks thrown about. "I'm finished.'" You lie and stand up. You dump your stuff on your already messy desk and grab your car keys and phone. You haven't told Itachi you'll be at Naruto's but you know he'll call eventually, so you don't bother. You're still annoyed at him for letting your cousin to come over tomorrow. You remember Shisui as a cheerful guy, a bit like Naruto and you know you don't want him in the house or anywhere near you._

_When you turn around, you see Sakura's fingers flying across the screen of her phone. "It's my aunt." She says without looking up. "She says Uncle Jirayia's coming over tonight and I should unlock the gate for him."_

_You nod and wait for her to finish. When she finally does, she unfolds her legs from underneath her and starts collecting her stuff. She shoves them carelessly in her bag and stands up, struggling with the zip. "Let's go." She says, still preoccupied with the zipper, and you head out of your room._

_"Do you have coffee?" She suddenly asks and you stop._

_"Coffee?" You ask. You don't have to check the time to know it's not time for coffee._

_"Yes." Sakura replies. "Coffee." She pushes her fringe away from her face irritably and you notice her hand is shaking. "I need some. Kushina won't let me drink any, you know her."_

_"I doubt there's any left." You say. "Usually Itachi drinks it all." Itachi's hands shake sometimes, too, you remember and frown slightly._

_"Let's go check, okay?" She says and walks past you. When you walk in the kitchen, you find her pouring what little coffee left in the pot in her metallic travel takes a sip before she closes it and turns to face you. "Well, let's go then." She says brightly._

_..._

_"Finally!" Naruto exclaims when he opens the door and allows you to walk inside the brightly lit house. "I thought you guys have ditched me. Mum's getting restless." He turns to Sakura after he closes the door and starts to walk towards the dining room. "She's very excited for you to try this thing she's cooked for you. I'm not sure it's food, to be honest but she spent hours on it." He shrugs. "She's been buying more of those weird cook books. What happened to some good ol' ramen?"_

_"Everyone gets sick of ramen at some point, Naruto." Sakura says, sounding amused. "Except for you, obviously." She adds when she sees his scandalized expression._

_"Sakura-chan!" You jump at the sudden voice behind you and you turn around, along with your friends. The red-haired woman rushes forward and embraces Sakura, as if she hasn't seen in her years and not just last week. She smooths Sakura's hair down and pushes her fringe away from her face and basically fusses over her like a mother. "You look so pretty!" She squeals and Sakura blushes. "You should cut that a little bit, though." She says sternly, fingering her long fringe. "It's getting in your eyes and you'll have to put on glasses before you know it."_

_"Oh, the horror." Sakura says, making a mock-terrified face._

_Kushina chuckles and then turns to you. Her blue eyes are darker than Naruto's and in this particular light, they are almost dark. You can change the shape a little bit and you feel like you're looking in your mother's eyes. Kushina pulls you in a hug, a welcoming hug like Sakura's, and ruffles your already messy hair. "You really need to learn to use a comb, kid." She tells you after she pulls away. She winks at you and pats your arm. "Let's go in the dining room them. Minato's going crazy. You know him — can't stay in one place for prolonged periods of time." She sighs in exasperation but there is a smile on her face._

_She reminds you of your mother again and you remember why you've avoided Kushina for the past few months._

_You look away from her and you feel her stare burning the side of your face. She is — **was —**_ _your mother's best friend and you know she feels personally responsible for you. You don't mind so much, as long as she doesn't overdo it. You know she's hurting still and somehow you take comfort in that. It makes you open up a little more to her, because you know she feels the pain almost as deeply as you do._

_You walk in the dining room and you see Minato waiting for you, all bright clothing and smiles. You shake yourself — there is no way you can ever mistake Minata for your father. You feel relaxed as you look at Minata's peaceful, youthful face and you nearly smile when he greets you with a smile nearly as bright as his son's._

_"Sit, sit." He says, gesturing around him. He's sitting at the head of the table and he doesn't look nearly as imposing as your father had._

_You take your seats, you and Sakura are next to each other on his left side, while Kushina and Naruto took the right and you catch the smell of Kushina's delicious cooking._

_"I made this specially for you." Kushina says to Sakura, who looks down at her bowl. You glance over and what you see makes you understand Naruto's reaction. "It's soba and tofu in ginger broth."_

_"Thanks." Sakura says brightly and she grabs her fork._

_You look down at your plate and nearly smile at the carefully arranged tomatoes cut in crescent pieces around your steak._

_There is silence as everyone starts eating their food. _

_"It's delicious, Kushina." Sakura says. Kushina insists to be called Kushina. No formalities when talking to me, she always says. "You'd have to give me the recipe so Auntie can make it for me."_

_Kushina's face splits into a wide smile. "No problem." She says and it's clear she's extremely pleased that Sakura has liked her meal. She turns to look at the rest of you questioningly and Naruto and Minato hurry to assure her that their steaks are the height of culinary delight. (Those are Minato's words, Naruto only nods along and makes pleased noises that make you feel vaguely uncomfortable.)_

_Her dark blue eyes turn on you and you speak quickly. "It's delicious." You say. Her eyes get even brighter and you can feel the pleasure radiating off her as she returns her attention to her own food._

_"Mine is also very delicious." She says with a grin. "In case anyone wanted to know."_

_"Do you guys have some plans about your senior year?" Minato asks. "I remember when I was your age and my friends and I always had something planned for the weekend. We used to scout a lot. I must have peed on all the trees on top of the Green Mountain." _

_"Seriously?" Naruto asks with a grin._

_Minato nods. "I remember, one night we got out of our little cabin — we were sloshed, mind you — and decided to go cliff diving."  
_

_Sakura gaps at him. "You didn't!"_

_Minato nods, grinning. "We did but that's not the best part. There were some foreign girls there, had very thick accents. They were camping on the other side of the shore and as you can imagine, we couldn't just ignore them. Inoichi liked one of them and decided to try his luck." Minato snorts and takes a sip from his beer. "You all know the scar he has on his forehead?" You all nod. Inoichi is Sakura's friend Ino's father but you don't know him only because of that. He's been over at your house for dinner. "Well, those girls turned out to be some sort of.. well, masters in material arts. When Inoichi tried to make that move where you're stretching but then you put your arm around the girl's shoulder." You see Sakura and Kushina rolling their eyes at each other and smirk. "Well, she thought he was attacking her. She grabbed his arm and flipped him over her shoulder. He hit his head on this great stone and from there, they sort of attacked us."_

_"I got away mostly unscathed. I've always been ridiculously charming." He ruffles his hair and grins cockily. Kushina reaches out and slaps him on the back of the head, much like Sakura does to Naruto sometimes. "Ouch. If you ask Inoichi, Shikaku or Choza about that night, they'll fall into a traumatized state. I'm serious. If you ever want to shut Inoichi up when he's being awfully bubbly, just mention that one night. And if you do it in front of Sora, he'll never dare to annoy you again."_

_"Speaking from personal experience?" Sakura asks with a smirk and you are startled to see how much it changes her face. From the kind-faced, pretty girl to the mischievous, tricky minx._

_Minato chuckles. "Maybe."_

_Naruto snorts. "There so way I'm not bringing this up the next time I see him."_

_"See what you're teaching my innocent son, Minato?" Kushina asks, a mock-scandalized look on her face as she smooths Naruto's hair away from his face and slaps a smoochy kiss on his cheek. He makes a face and ducks out of her reach._

_"Mum!" He whines._

_They all laugh after that and even though you can't join them, you enjoy watching and listening to them._

_"What about you, Kushina?" Sakura asks. "Do you have any interesting stories?"_

_"She has plenty of them." Minato says before Kushina can open her mouth. "She was quite the troublemaker. I remember the prank her school played on ours that one time. I've never been able to look at pigs the same way ever again. Kushina was the mastermind behind it all."_

_"Seriously?" Naruto asks and turns to his mother. "Why haven't you told me any of that?"_

_"And give you ideas?" Kushina snorts. "I'm not stupid, honey."_

_"Aw, come on." Naruto says and gives her his infamous pleading look; wide blue eyes, wobbly lip and all that but she remains stony. "You are my mother but more importantly, you are a fellow troublemaker! You have to pass down your knowledge on the youngsters aka me!"_

_"I can't believe you just said youngsters." Sakura speaks your thoughts exactly._

_"He's growing up; using big words and all." Minato says and pretends to wipe away a tear._

_Kushina laughs and flicks Naruto's forehead with one finger. "Sorry. You have to use your ideas. It's better for your creativity."_

_Naruto pouts and crosses his arms over his chest, turning his head away from Kushina. She rolls her eyes and gives you all a look cross between amusement and exasperation. "Sasuke." Her eyes focus on you and you straighten in your seat. "You've been awfully quiet. No crazy plans for your last year as a high schooler?"_

_That gets everyone's attention. Their eyes are on you and you resist the urge to shrink in your chair. You've never been shy but you dislike being in the center of attention when you don't know what to say._

_You can't say what's on your mind because it's too depressing. You know it'll kill the mood in a second flat and you don't feel selfish enough to do that._

_Your hands fist over you thighs and you look down at your half-eaten steak. "No." You murmur. "No plans."_

_..._

_"So, that was fun." Sakura says on your way back home. It's past ten and you feel tired. You haven't slept but that's become a regular occurrence. Nightmares plague you restlessly and nothing can stop the images from invading your mind, not even the pills Itachi has given you. She has the recipe for her meal in her hands and she's playing with the ruffled side of the paper, ripped from a spiral notebook. You notice that her neon yellow polish is chipped and that's something you've learned to associate with Sakura. She wears different coloured nail polish everyday but it's always chipped. You know it's a nervous tic that stops her from biting her nails instead._

_You know a lot of things about Sakura, small and insignificant to her biggest fears and insecurities. But there's one thing you don't know about Sakura and every time you think about it, you drive yourself crazy because you don't know the answer._

_You grip the stirring wheel tightly and speak. "Sakura." She stops humming to herself and looks curiously at you. "Tell me about your parents."_

_You see her freeze and her entire body angles in a defensive stance. "There's nothing to tell." She says tersely and she starts chipping off the nail polish on her right index finger. "Can we not talk about this?"_

_"You never speak about them." You say, eyes fixed on the road. "Yet, you insist I talk to you about my parents."_

_"That's different." She says._

_"No, it's not." You say. "How is it different?"_

_"Because my parents are not dead." You hear her suck in a breath after the words leave her mouth and she turns to you. "Oh my god, Sasuke, I — "_

_"Shut up." You say and your voice is harsher than intended. You see her flinch and your hands tighten around the stirring wheel. "Don't apologise for stating a fact. My parents **are **dead."_

_"Yes but..." She trails off. "I'm sorry."_

_"What for?"_

_"For your parents." She says quickly. "I'm sorry for your parents. I'm sorry that you're pain. I'm sorry that I can't help you but if you'd just let me in — I'll do my best to.. to help you and understand you. To ease your pain somehow. I hate seeing you like this, Sasuke-kun."_

_You freeze for just a second. She's stopped calling you Sasuke-kun a week after your parents died, because she knows it reminds you of your mother and causes you pain. Naruto has stopped calling you bastard for the very same reason. You both thank and hate them for being so considerate._

_When she sees your reaction, she bites her lip and looks down at her hands. There is almost no nail polish left on her index finger. "I'm sorry." She murmurs._

_"Stop — " You say, your voice tight and laced with annoyance. " — apologising."_

_She swallows and nods, without looking up from her hands. _

_You don't say anything else after that._

_The rest of the ride is spend in silence._


	4. please stop talking

**_"Why can't we be friends?"_**

_"Why haven't you told him to shut up already?" You rub your temples as Shisui's loud voice carries from the kitchen to the dining room where you and Itachi are sitting._

_"Because — " Itachi says, flipping to the next page of the newspaper. " — I think he has a nice singing voice."_

_You stare at him incredulously and he lowers the newspaper enough for you to see the smirk on his face._

_"Very funny." You say flatly and put down your fork. All the noise Shisui's making kills your appetite just as quickly as Sakura's hummus. "This is ridiculous." You snap and you hope Itachi will see reason._

**_"I seen you walkin' down in Chinatown.."_**

_You grit your teeth and glare pointedly at your brother._

_Itachi only sighs and takes a sip from his coffee. You notice that the coffee pot is almost empty. _

_"We need some of this in this house." He says. You try to understand what "this'" is. Maybe it's Shisui's disgusting cheerfulness? His lack of understanding of people's personal space and privacy? His absolute lack of mouth filter and tact, which he desperately needs, considering the stuff that come out of his mouth._

**_"I called you but you could not look around.."_**

_"You, maybe. I don't need any of "this"." You say and push your chair back. _

_"Where are you going?" Itachi asks and for once, his face isn't calm. He's frowning at you._

_"Naruto's." You reply and leave before Shisui comes back in the dining room and sees you leaving._

**_"Why can't we be — " _**

_You slam the front door shut and effectively cut off Shisui in mid sentence. You march to your car, which is parked in the driveway in front of the garage door and get in. You fish your phone out of your pockets and dial Naruto, hoping he'll be home._

_Just as you are about to give up, he picks up._

_"Whoever this is, speak quickly and to the point." His voice sounds rushed and distracted. You feel your eyebrows raise. _

_"Idiot. What are you doing?"_

_"Dude, I'm playing Halo. What do you want?"_

_"I'm coming over."_

_"Cool. I'll tell mum to open the gate for you."_

_And he hangs up. You give your phone a hard stare and then shake your head._

_Naruto and his video games._

_..._

_You are playing Champions of Norrath with Naruto when the door slams open and Sakura pirouettes in, quite literary. She lands gracefully on her feet and looks expectantly at you and Naruto. Naruto usually indulges her but at the moment he is too preoccupied with the game and you're not the type of person to express your appreciation out loud. Her shoulders slump and she glares at you, putting her hands on her waist. You face the TV again so she won't be able to see your smirk and focus on the game, wondering what she'll do if you two continue to ignore her._

_"You guys suck." She says and flops on the bed behind you._

_"We love you too, Sakura-chan." Naruto replies cheerfully, his eyes never leaving the TV screen and thus, he is unable to dodge the upcoming cushion that hit the back of his head. "Ow! What the fuck?"_

_"Are you swearing at me, Namikaze Naruto?"_

_This makes him look away from the game. "Of course **not**, Sakura-chan."**  
**_

_"Good. Come on, guys, pay me a bit attention, will you? I'm leaving in half an hour anyway and I'll leave you to obsess over your games for the rest of the day."_

_"Why?" You ask and she directs a slightly awkward smile in your direction. You know that she's thinking of your ride home yesterday and you wish you are someone who is more sociable and able to defuse the tension._

_Thankfully, she answers you. "Ino's having one of her "Ino the Fashionista" episodes and I'm the special guest start. Again. Why's it always me?" The tortured question is not directed you but at the Heavens and you hear Naruto chuckle._

_"You're her best friend, Sakura-chan. She likes spending time with you."_

_Sakura sits up sharply to look at Naruto and shakes her head. "No. She likes to use me as her real life doll."_

_Naruto pauses and then shrugs. "I s'pose. But then you have all those new pretty clothes and isn't that enough to make a girl happy?"_

_You resist the urge to facepalm. You do not simply say things like that in front of Sakura. _

_Another cushion hits Naruto, but this time with more force and nails him in the face. He drops the controller and you know that you're gaming time is over. You turn off the game and cross your legs, turning so you can look at both Naruto and Sakura._

_"What are women to you, Namikaze Naruto?" Sakura asks in a dangerously low voice, grabbing Naruto's pillow. "Do you think that only clothes and glittery stuff makes us up happy? That this is all we think about? Well, do you? **Do you?**"_

_Sakura has gone into what Naruto affectionately (and with a healthy dose of fear) calls "The Hulk Mode". You do not make sharp and sudden movements, you keep quiet and only speak when spoken to and you do not — under any circumstances — tell her to calm down. This, according to Naruto, is a fatal mistake that may cost you your life or your manhood, depending on Sakura's mood._

_You've never had to endure this type of attitude from Sakura and you're not worried that you ever will. This is why you watch with mild amusement as Naruto cowers and Sakura starts smacking him mercilessly with the pillow, all the while telling him how unfairly oppressed women were for centuries and how this type of behaviour is the equivalent of spitting on centuries worth of effort on women's part. You watch her grin once and you know she isn't nearly as miffed as she pretends to be._

_"I yield! I yield!" Naruto shouts with his arms over his head. Sakura pauses and stares down at him. Slowly, Naruto removes his arms and stares solemnly at Sakura. "I admire women, Sakura-chan. I think they are beautiful, strong creatures and I meant no disrespect towards them. Will you forgive me now?"_

_Sakura crosses her arms over her chest, the pillow hanging from the tips of her fingers. "I suppose." She says. "But if you ever say something like this again - " She raises the pillow wordlessly and Naruto nods quickly. _

_Sakura nods and then relaxes, throwing the pillow back on the bed. Naruto lets an enormous sigh of relief and flops back on the carpet. "Thanks for the help, traitor." He spits at you, rubbing his neck._

_You shrug. "It was your own fault."_

_"Sasuke's right." Sakura said, plopping down on the ground next to you. Her perfume invades your senses and you feel the tension leave your body."Uncle Jirayia says hi, by the way."_

_Naruto makes a face. "Why do you keep calling that pervert, Uncle? And, if he wants to say hi, he should come here and say it. I can't believe he went to your house first."_

_"Well.. do you have sex with him?"_

_"Ew, no! Sakura-chan!" Naruto shudders dramatically and stares at her in disgust._

_Sakura rolls her eyes. "Well, there you have it. I thought I should leave him and Auntie alone today. She's taken a day off and I'm pretty sure it's not for me. I'll ask Ino if I could sleep over tonight, too. I feel awkward sleeping in the house, knowing what they are doing just down the hall."_

_"I imagine how that might keep you up all night." Naruto mutters and still looks grossed out._

_Sakura grins and kicks his shin lightly. "So, are you two going to spend your entire day indoors playing video games and eating junk food to sustain yourselves?" She sounds like she already knows the answer._

_"You're jealous you're missing on, aren't you?" Naruto says with a grin._

_Sakura nods. "Extremely. But seriously, when I think of the day filled with shopping, beauty salons, etc.. I'm almost jealous."_

_Naruto shrugs. "You can always ditch."_

_"I can't ditch Ino, Naruto. She's one of my best friends. How would you feel if I ditched you so I could hang out with her?"_

_Naruto gasps dramatically. "You wouldn't!"_

_Sakura sticks her tongue out. "I'm considering it."_

_Naruto pouts. "You're a meanie, Sakura-chan, and do you know how we punish the meanies?"_

_"Huh.. oh, no don't you dare!" Sakura scrambles backwards but she's too late. Naruto pounces on her and starts tickling her sides. _

_"Too late!" He shouts gleefully and straddles her hips as she starts to trash around in attempt to escape. The room is filled with Sakura's hysterical laughter and Naruto's gleeful cackles. You watch as Naruto's hands go up and down Sakura's body and there's a stab of something in your chest. You recognise the emotion but you're not ready to accept it._

_"Sa — Sasuke." She gasps. "Help!"_

_"The bastard won't help you!" Naruto shouts and continues to tickle, clearly unaware of his slip. You don't mind as much as you thought you would but you do grab the pillow Sakura used to beat Naruto earlier with and throw it at Naruto's head. The momentary surprise gives Sakura enough time to crawl from underneath Naruto and get on her unsteady feet. She stumbles over to you and collapses on the ground next to you. She leans against your arm as she tries to take deep breaths to calm herself. Her cheeks are pink and hair is messy but there is healthy glow to the look that makes your lips soften slightly in something resembling a smile._

_"That's so not fair! You didn't help me when I needed your help." Naruto shouts and points an accusing finger at you._

_"He just likes me better, Naruto." Sakura says with a laugh. "Get over it."_

_"Yeah, I bet he does." Naruto mutters and you shoot him a look that says 'shut up'. You don't know why you're so defensive and Naruto seems to be surprised, too._

_The awkward silence that descends is broken by Sakura's phone ringing. She takes it out and rolls her eyes._

_"Ino." She tells you and then picks up. "What is it, porker?"_

_You can hear Ino's voice loud and clear but you can't understand what she's saying. Whatever it is, it makes Sakura's eyes widen and causes her to laugh._

_"Only you, porker. Yeah, I'm here already. Okay. Of course not, who do you think I am? Okay. Alright. I'll see you in a few." She hangs up and laughs in disbelief. "Apparently, Ino cat-called Asuma-sensei."_

_"What?" Naruto asks, his jaw dropping in shock._

_Even you don't expect something like that and stare at Sakura for further explanation._

_Sakura laughs and speaks again. "She didn't know it was him, at first. She was stuck waiting for the red light and she saw this incredibly fit guy bending over to pick up his cigarettes, so naturally, she cat-called him. When he turned around and she saw his face, she — in her words: "dislocated my fucking shoulder trying to become invisible. It hurts. Fuck. But Asuma-sensei has a nice ass, gotta admit." end of quote."  
_

_Naruto snorts and then laughs, a full-blown laughter that makes him shake all over. Your way of showing your amusement is a smirk and a slight shake of your head. Ino really knows how to get herself in an awkward situation._

_Sakura giggles. "I know, right? She has some luck. Do you think he saw her? Imagine how awkward that'd be, especially considering he is friends with her dad and all."_

_"You kidding?" Naruto says through his laughter. "That's hilarious. I so want to have been there to see Asuma-sensei's reaction."_

_Sakura snorts. "Yeah, I imagine he doesn't get cat called often and by one of his students, no less."_

_"Priceless." Naruto says after he's regained some control._

_Sakura nods, a grin still on her face. "Anyway, she said she's close, so I'll go and wait outside. No point in opening the gate for her." She stands up and smooths down her hair and shirt. "I'll see you guys tomorrow?"_

_"Sure." Naruto says. "Have fun, Sakura-chan!"_

_Sakura groans dramatically. "Thanks, I'd try." Her eyes flick over to you. _

_"Bye." You say rather lamely, but she accepts it with a smile and __pirouettes out of the room. This time, Naruto claps for her._

___Her head pokes from the doorway so she can blow you both a kiss and then she disappears again, humming a tune you're sure you've heard on the radio at some point. Once her footsteps and humming have died out, you look away from the door. You catch Naruto's eyes and you realise he's been staring at you for a while._

___"Do you like Sakura-chan?" He asks you. He's never been one to beat around the bush._

___You roll your eyes and throw his controller at him. "Let's play." You say._

___"You're avoiding the question." Naruto says with a frown but he picks up his controller. "You always avoid the question when you don't want me to know the answer. You like her, don't you? Why don't you tell her? She clearly likes you back." You detect some bitterness in voice and scowl._

___"Shut up." You say. It's a childish way to deal with a situation like this but it's effective, nonetheless. Naruto shuts up and twists his body so he's facing the TV again._

___"Have you thought of visiting him?" He suddenly asks. You sigh in mild annoyance and turn to look at him. You raise an eyebrow inquiringly. You don't read minds, surely Naruto knows that. "Their killer." He elaborates and you freeze. He doesn't avert his eyes or apologises like Sakura for bringing up the forbidden subject. He stares at you and his eyes demand your answer. When he realises you have no intention of answering — honestly, what **does **he expect? — he continues. "Cause if it were me, I would have gone and asked that son of a bitch why he did it." He shrugs. "I mean, he owes you at least that, doesn't he?"_

___"Well, you're not me." You say curtly and hope he'll drop the subject._

___"Clearly." Naruto replies with sarcasm that surprises you. "I'm just trying to help you. I think it'll help if you talked with him. You're not really doing anything to move on and heal, to be honest. You're bottling it in you and you refuse to talk about it. That won't make the pain go away, you know."_

___"And talking to the fucker who killed my parents will help me get over their deaths?" You snap angrily, clutching the controller tightly. "Naruto, just drop it."_

___"I'm not saying it'll help you heal right away but it's still something. I'm sure you want to know why he did it. Not knowing it's killing you." He pauses. "And I'm not going to drop it because all Sakura-chan and I have done this past few months is drop it or tip toe around the subject and that's obviously not helping. Look, I can't imagine what it's like — "_

___"Then stop talking!" You shout. You feel so angry, your hands start shaking. You don't want to talk about this, not with Naruto, not with anyone. Your hands ball in fists and you shoot Naruto a glare that you hope it's enough to shut him up. "This is why I left my house today. I didn't come here to talk about them or their killer or anything related to them. I came here to hang out him you and do something that will make me stop thinking about it for just a few hours." You take a deep breath. "But if you can't do that, I better leave." You start to raise but Naruto voice stops you._

_"Stay." He says. "But don't think I won't be talking to you about this again. I won't forget. But.." He sighs. "Sasuke, I think you should talk with your brother about this. If not with me or Sakura-chan or those therapist you were sent to, then with your brother. He understands what you're going through the best. After all, he's going through the same thing."_

_"Are you done?" You ask and you've calmed somehow, though your shoulders are still extremely tense and your fingers start hurting from clutching the controller so tightly._

_"For **now**." He says and puts emphasis on the word. _

_You settle down on the ground again and pick up the controller._

_"Let's kill some zombies." He mutters and stands up to change the video game._

_As he does this, you sit silently and ponder over his words. Maybe, he has a point but you're not ready for something of this magnitude. You don't trust yourself to not attack the guy when you see him._

_Naruto returns to your side and grins. "Let's beat the shit out of those motherfuckers."_


	5. dead by accident

_You stand in front of the big, dark building, your eyes focused on the symbol engraved in the stone above the double doors leading inside. You have the same symbol sewn to the sleeve of the shirt you're currently wearing. Your hands clench in fists and you squeeze your eyes shut. You take a deep breath. I'm not a coward, you think. I can do this._

_It's been two weeks since the conversation you had with Naruto about your parents' killer. For the most part, you managed to push it to the back of your mind but with the one year anniversary of your parents deaths draws closer, you finally decide that it's time you get some haven't told Itachi or Naruto or Sakura. You left your phone in your car because for the past half and hour, Naruto and Sakura have called you twice. Each._

_You take a deep breath and step towards the door. You walk inside and head straight for the reception. You feel eyes on you but you ignore them. You stand in front of the reception and clear your throat._

_The woman behind the desk looks up at you and raises her eyebrows. "Hello. How can I help you?"_

_"I'm here to visit a prisoner." You say curtly. "Yakushi Kabuto."_

_The woman's eyebrows raise even higher up her forehead. "Yakushi Kabuto is one of the highest security kept prisoners. You need to have a special permission to visit him."_

_"I do." You say and you purposely raise your hands and put them on the desk. The woman's eyes are drawn to the symbol on your sleeve almost immediately and her eyes quickly look up to meet yours._

_"I see." She mutters quietly. "I'll check." She says and dials a number._

_You push away from the desk and look around. There are two policemen standing at either side of the door. Neither of them is a member of your family. There are three other policemen standing by the vending machine, talking in hushed voices. You notice that one of them looks at you every so often and frown slightly. He looks vaguely familiar and he has the basic features of your family. Dark hair, dark eyes and pale skin. It's not enough for you to be certain if he's a member of your extended family and you can't see if he has the symbol on his uniform._

_"Uchiha Sasuke." Your attention is drawn to the woman behind the desk. She puts a sheet of paper on the desk, a form, you realise, and hands you a pen. "Please, fill this. After that, you'll be allowed to visit the prisoner."_

_You nod curtly. You don't ask how she knows your name. It's probably your uncle who she had talked to just now._

_You move towards the padded benches and you just notice a girl around your age sitting there, looking extremely bored._

_You know in an instant that she's not from around here. She probably lives in the city._

_She's holding the same form as you and you notice that it's only half filled. She's playing with the pen in her hands, her fingernails are painted pure black. She's wearing ripped clothes and a leather jacket and she has a lot of black around her eyes. She looks extremely thin and pale, and as you sit two seats away from her, you catch a faint whiff of cigarette smoke._

_You feel her watching you as you write your name down along with your date of birth. You look up and raise your eyebrows in silent question._

_She pops a gum balloon loudly and continues to stare at you silently, chewing her gum. You notice that her red hair is a complete mess on one side of her head and you shake your head. She smirks._

_"Who are you here to visit?" She asks. Her voice is low and husky, the completely opposite of Sakura's even, sweet voice. _

_"A bad guy." You don't know why you answer her. Usually you ignore strangers who speak to you. Especially girls, who have the annoying tendency to try to hit on you._

_She smirks but there is something dark about that smirk. "Isn't everyone here a bad guy, sweetheart?"_

_You narrow your eyes slightly. "I don't think it's any of your business who I'm visiting actually."_

_She shrugs. "Fine, suit yourself." She pauses and then adds. "I'm visiting my father." She smirks at you, a slightly mocking glint in her dark eyes. "He's a bad guy. The worst, actually."_

_"Why are you visiting him then?" You find yourself asking._

_She shrugs and taps the pen against her bare knee, exposed from the wide crack on her black jeans. "He's dying, apparently. His last wish is to see me." She frowns and looks down at her half-filled form. "I don't really want to see him. I came here because I wanted to tell him how much I hate him and how much of a failure he was as a father and a human being. But I think he already knows that." She licks her red lips and looks at you. "What about you?"_

_"It's still not any of your business." You respond and return your attention on your form._

_"I told you why I'm here. It's not fair if you tell me too."_

_"I didn't ask you." You point out._

_"How rude." She says but there is not much feeling in her statement. In fact, she speaks in monotone through the whole exchange. "I'm Karin."_

_"And I'm not interested." You respond._

_She snorts and you look at her. "I'm not hitting on you, pretty boy. Don't flatter yourself. I'm just trying to be polite. Not much to do here, to be honest."_

_"Then leave."_

_"I will." She says and smirks at you again. "I'll wait for you to finish visiting your mysterious prisoner so you can drive me home."_

_You blink and stare. She stares back at you, the corners of her lips pulled into a smirk. "What?"_

_She sighs in an exasperated manner and runs her long, thin fingers through her messy hair. "My ride is gone. Won't you be a good little gentleman and give me a ride home?"_

_You snort. "What gave you the idea I was a gentleman?"_

_She shrugs and gives you another smirk. You have a feeling she substitutes her smirks for her smiles. Something you two have in common. "You just give off a vibe of good upbringing, I guess."_

_"I give off a vibe?" You asks, chuckling. She chuckles too and flicks her wrist dismissively._

_"You know what I mean. So, you go talk to your bad guy and I'll wait here for you."_

_"Fine." You say with a sigh of defeat. You don't know why you agree. Under normal circumstances you wouldn't have. But the girl reminds you of you somehow; the smirk, the angry look in her dark eyes, the way she is sitting and speaking. Her presence doesn't bothers you nearly as much as most of the girls you've met._

_She sighs, too, and then, her lips form a small smile. "Good. I was going crazy without a fag."_

_You can't help the disapproving look that appears on your face. A couple of years ago, Sakura gave you and Naruto a throughout lecture on why cigarettes were bad for people, after catching Naruto smoking with some idiotic upperclassmen. Needless to say, Naruto hasn't touched a cigarette since then._

_"Oh, shut up." She snaps, even though you haven't said anything. "Get on with it, will you?"_

_"I might reconsider taking you with me." You remind her. "Stop being so rude."_

_"You won't." She says, sounding extremely confident. "You can't leave a girl in the middle of nowhere with no means of getting back home, can you? My family might worry."_

_You turn away from her and return to your form. She is right. You can't just leave her here knowing she can't get home. Of course, she can always call the person who'd driven here to pick her up but you don't feel like being an asshole. It's silent for the next couple of minutes as you finish your form. You stand up and walk over to the reception desk, putting the paper down. The woman takes it without looking at you and puts it in a folder._

_Then she looks up, but her eyes aren't focused on you. "Isamu, Katsuo, please escort Uchiha-san interrogation room 3."_

_Two of the policemen by the vending machine move towards you, leaving the one that looks like your relative there. You notice the symbol on his uniform, sewn on the breast pocket and looked up to meet his eyes. His face is impassive, something your family is unnaturally talent in, and he nods at you in recognition. You nod back, even though you can't remember who the man is and follow the two policemen through a set of double doors._

_They lead you down a couple of hallways until you reach stairs that led downwards. One of the policemen flicks a switch and the staircase is suddenly showered in dim light. You follow them down into a cool hallway. The same policemen flicks another switch and the dim lightning reveals a seemingly endless corridors with doors positioned unevenly along both sides._

_The two policemen stop in front of a door marked by a silvery 3 and turn to you._

_"We'll ask you to not attack the prisoner." One of them, blue-eyed and blonde but strangely, he doesn't remind you of Naruto at all. "No matter what he tells you, you are to remain calm and professional. If you feel like you're losing your grip, knock on the door three times and we'll be in there in a second."_

_"Keep calm, Uchiha-san." The other man tells you. He is about your height and his features are kinder and softer than the other man's, as is his voice. "Yakushi knows how to push the wrong buttons. It won't be in your favour to let him get to you, or let him know he had gotten to you."_

_You nod curtly. Don't they know who you are? Of course you'll keep your cool no matter what. You're an Uchiha and Uchihas don't lost composure, even in the presence of their parents' killer._

_The blonde policeman nods. "If you're ready then." He plunges a key in the keyhole and you hear a click. Then he pushes the heavy door open and steps aside to make way for you to go in._

_Your hands clench inside your pocket and you step inside the room, your entire body arched in a defensive stance. It's very cold inside and dark, the only light coming from the flickering light bulb hanging from the middle of the ceiling, right above a metal chair where a man sat, chained from head to toe. You take a look around; three of the walls are stone but the one opposite of you, behind the chair, is covered in metal. There is nothing inside beside the chair, the prisoner and you._

_The skinny man sitting on the chair lifts his head and his dark eyes meet yours. He looks worse than what you remember of him in the court room. His face is thinner, the pale, nearly translucent skin stretching over the bones of his skull. His eyes are sunken in their sockets and surrounded by circles and purple-ish bruises but the eyes themselves are alight with the same fervent, possibly mad light you remember._

_His chapped lips stretch into a smile. "Sasuke-kun, isn't it? How delightful." He chuckles and then he coughs, his skinny body shaking as much as it can while being chained. "To what do I own the pleasure?"_

_"You owe me some answers." You say tightly, swallowing thickly. The wave of emotions that hits you overwhelms you for a moment and you blink rapidly. There's a lump lodged in your throat and your stomach is churning unpleasantly. You have a feeling that even if you tried, you won't be able to uncurl your fingers. You feel so incredibly angry that you have to force yourself to stay motionless, lest you lunged at the guy. It's painful to see him standing there; alive and breathing while your parents have long given their last breath._

_You want to know why he'd done it. He had refused to say anything in the court room or to his lawyer, which had earned him a even harsher sentence than the one they'd prepared for him._

_"Do I now?" He asks idly, cocking his head to the side in a thoughtful manner. "Are you sure you want to know the answers, Sasuke-kun? The truth is not very pretty in most cases. It can hurt you."_

_You grit your teeth and decided to ignore him and just get to the point. "Why did you do it?"_

_Kabuto throws his head back and laughs. The sound is weak and hoarse and causes him to cough but the smile he directs at you after he's recovered is nothing short of gleeful. "How refreshing. You're quite straightforward, aren't you, Sasuke-kun? Most unlike your parents, I must say. They weren't quite honest, were they? They always spoke in such riddles, never giving a straight answer. Your brother is like them, I can tell. He knows how to speak prettily. But you, you're not like them, are you? I can tell."_

_"Just answer my question." You snap tersely, narrowing your eyes in dangerous manner._

_Kabuto chuckles again. "Ah, you're impatient too, I see. Well, if you insist." He meets your gaze and his lips stretch in a wide smile, a smile that gives you a sick, foreboding feeling in the pit of the stomach. "To be quite truthful, and you'll find I always am, they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I admit that I don't regret their deaths all that much. Your mother was after me for a while, never knew when to give up and your father was way too ambitions and sneaky to be let to roam free. Who knows, maybe if I hadn't killed them, he might have ended up the president. Now that's a truly scary thought, won't you agree? Your father wasn't fit to lead people. He didn't quite meet the requirements. I think he had a bit too much selfishness in him, wouldn't you agree?"  
_

_You grit your teeth so hard it hurts and you take a deep breath to calm the erratic beating of your heart. Kabuto shuts his mouth and lets his word sink in, and sink they do._

**_They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time._**

_This is why they died? Because they were in the wrong fucking place in the wrong fucking time? They died because of some stupid coincidence? Why kind of sick joke is this? Like it isn't enough his parents were taken away from him long before their time but to know that it happened for nothing?  
_

_It is just too much to take in._

_You look up and the glare you send Kabuto is one of pure, unadulterated hatred. His smiles back at you, like your righteous anger amuses him somehow._

_"You.." You growl. You remember the policemen's warning about keeping your cool and your scoff at their warnings. Now you know what they were talking about. It isn't just Kabuto's words, it's the way he is looking at you and sitting; insolently, unapologetically — like he isn't a killer who'd killed two innocent people, and did experiments on countless others. He's smiling like he doesn't know he's a monster._

_And that pisses you off more than anything you can imagine._

_You raise a shaking arm and knock on the door three times._

_"Oh, leaving so soon, Sasuke-kun? What a pity. I was starting to enjoy our conversation. It's the most stimulating conversation I had in a while. I'm afraid the company here is just dreary."_

_Your back tenses and your right hand clenches into fists. Just as you spin around, ready to march up to the bastard and sock him in the face, the door opens and the blonde policeman's stern blue eyes focus on you. That helps you calm down and you relax your stance._

_You push past the two policemen without saying anything and march towards the exit. Your entire body is shaking with suppressed rage, you feel your eyes stinging and your throat hurts as you try to swallow the lump in your throat. You hate it so much. It's weakness, the emotion you're showing._

_You storm in the entrance area and Karin jumps on her feet, her lips forming a smirk. "Shall we go, then?"_

_You storm past her without saying anything and you breathe somehow easier once you're outside. You head for your car, one of the few ones parked on the parking lot._

_"Oi, what's up with you?"_

_You glance over your shoulder and see Karin exiting the building, heading straight for you. You purse your lips and don't answer. She is a stranger, after all._

_"Are you still going to drive me back to the city?" She asks instead of pushing the subject._

_For a second, you think of saying no but your good manners win over your temper and you snap at her to get in the car. She does and once she's in, you're off the parking lot and down the street._

_"Nice car you have here." She says, patting the leather seat._

_You don't answer._

_"Whoa, what did that guy did to you, sunshine? Are you going to be like that through the whole ride?"_

_"Just shut up, okay?" You say. "I need some piece and quiet."_

_She purses her lips and crosses her arms, looking away from you. You relax in your seat and relish in the silence that follows. Then your phone rings._

_You glance down and Sakura's smiling face greets you on the screen. You frown and look away._

_"Aren't you gonna get that?" Karin asks, irritation seeping in her voice._

_"No." You snap back and when she reaches for the phone, you slap her hand out of the way and grab it, dropping it between your legs. "And I'm the rude one?"_

_Karin shrugs, the familiar smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. "Was that your girlfriend?"_

_You twitch. "No. Stop asking questions."_

_"Jesus, you're no fun, seriously." She shakes her head and puts her forehead against the window. "Wake me up when you get to the main square."_

_"Fine." You say, not at all offended by her accession of you._

_The rest of the ride is spend in silence._


	6. poison and wine

_"Sasuke?" Sakura's voice is hesitant as she steps inside your room, wringing her hands together in a nervous fashion. She looks around and bites her lip, her eyes flickering to yours. "Hey." She says softly. Her posture is slightly defensive, a result from the fight you two had earlier._

_Your hand clutches the pen tightly and you turn around in your chair to face her fully. You've been volatile and mean to her and Naruto since your visit to Kabuto. For the most part, she's endured it but earlier today, you crossed the line. You regret it but your pride stands in your way of saying sorry. You hate the way she looks at you, uncertain if you're not going to blow up and hurt her again. You wish, you really wish you're someone else, who can give her what she deserves. She's never going to be happy if she continues to be in love with you. **  
**_

_"How're you feeling?" She asks and then winces. "I mean, what are you doing?"_

_"Homework." You reply curtly. You're not ready to tell her or Naruto about your visit and what you've learned. You still haven't managed to come to terms with the fact that your parents' death is nothing but an accident. Kabuto's words keep replying in your head over and over, echoing and puncturing your heart with tiny holes of hurt and confusion. You know how they'll react if they knew, and this is what stops you from telling them the most. You know they'll feel even more sorry for you and they'll try their best to make you feel better, even though most of their attempts seem to fail. They'll try to make you forget about it for even just a second, never understanding that even when you seem to forget, the memory is always with you._

_"Right." She shifts in her place uncomfortably and then speaks again, focusing her attention on something on the wall above your head. "We were invited to a party." She says. "Kiba's birthday. Naruto and I were thinking of going. Do you want to come?"_

_"No." Your response is out even before she's finished her question._

_She opens her mouth and then closes it. She stares at you quietly and for the first time, her eyes are unreadable to you. Her small hands ball into fists in front of her and she takes a deep breath before she speaks again. "You should tell us what's wrong." She says quickly. Despite her hasty voice, she stares unblinkingly at you. "I mean, we're your friends, Sasuke." She bites her lip and looks down. "I want to help you, Sasuke, but you never let me. I don't know why. Do you want to be unhappy?"_

_You nearly snap the pen in half as anger bubbles in you. "What?" You hiss and she flinches. "Do you really think I want to be unhappy? I want nothing more than to be happy again! I want my parents back, Sakura and unless you can bring them back from the dead, you can't do anything for me."_

_She shakes her head. "That's not true, Sasuke! I can't bring them back, that's true, but I can help you! If you just let me and Naruto in, if you just — if you just — " Her voice cracks, much to your horror. Her lower lip wobbles slightly as she swallows thickly. Surely she's not going to cry! "God, Sasuke!" She shouts, squeezing her eyes together. Two tears fall down her cheeks, and you feel your anger slowly fading away to be replaced by guilt. "You have no idea how much — how much I — " She stops and opens her eyes. She stares at you with watery eyes and there is resolve in her eyes, a kind of finalty that makes you feel both nerves and anticipation. "Sasuke, I just.. I love you so much it hurts." She puts a hand to her heart and you stop breathing for a second, staring at her._

_"I don't know how or when or why but I do. I love you with all my heart and to see you hurting like that — well, it's hurting me too. All I can think about every time I'm with you is a way to make you feel better, a way to take away all the pain you carry in you. I want nothing more than to see you happy with your parents by your side. It tears my heart apart knowing that it will never happen. But there must is a way!" She swallows again and steps forward. "You can feel better, Sasuke. If you just talk with me or Naruto or your brother. You need to let it all out, you need to share this with someone. You need to take a step towards recovery. If you continue this way, you'll never get better. If you just let me.." She trails off and sniffs, reaching out to wipe away the tears before they can fall down her cheeks._

_She looks pleadingly at you. "Please, Sasuke, let me in."  
_

_For the first time, you find yourself speechless. You keep quiet most of the time, but not because you don't have anything to say but because you just don't want to say it. But Sakura has rendered you speechless. You feel something warm pool in your stomach. You can identify the feeling and it makes you uncomfortable. You look back Sakura, who's still staring at you, expecting your answer. There is hopefulness in her eyes that nearly breaks through your walls. Nearly being the key word._

_"I can't." You says quietly, staring down at your feet. You feel physically incapable of telling her. It's not about pride or being stubborn anymore, not after a speech like that. It's about you not being ready to talk about it with anyone else. It's about you still being in the stage of denial and anger._

_You're just not ready._

_Sakura's shoulders slump and her eyes fall down to stare at her feet. "I see." She says quietly. Her voice is a mix of hurt, embarrassment and frustration. She squares her shoulders but doesn't look at you. "I'll leave now." She says and dashes out of your room before you can say anything else._

_Your hand reaches out, as if to stop her from going; even though you have no idea what you'll say to her if you did stop her._

_You hear the front door slamming loudly and your hand drops in your lap._

_Your hands ball into fists and you close your eyes._

_You're alone again._

_And it's all your fault._

_..._

_"Where's Sakura?" This is how you greet Naruto the next day at school. He has sunglasses on and he seems even more untidy then usual. There's a faint smell of alcohol coming from him._

_He groans and rubs his head, further proving that he's hangover. "Not so loud, man." He says, turning his head to look at you. "She called me this morning and said she wasn't feeling very well and she didn't sound like it either. Strange this is, she left the party early yesterday and I'm pretty sure she wasn't drunk or anything."_

_Concern fills you. "She went to the party?"_

_Naruto nods slowly and takes a sip from his paper cup. "She did. Didn't she tell you? She said she came over to try to make you come with us."_

_"She did." You say tersely, your heart tightening at the thought of your conversation yesterday. You check the time on your phone. Your first period stars in five minutes. You glance at your car and then back at Naruto, who's devouring his coffee likes his life depends on it. Without saying a word, you spin on your heel and head for you car._

_"Oi, where are you going?" Naruto shouts after you and then winces. "Goddamn it.. never again.."_

_You get in your car without answering. You pass your confused best friend on your way out of the parking lot and head for Sakura's house. You just need to make sure she's okay and that she hadn't done anything stupid yesterday and then, you'll go back to school._

_..._

_Sakura's aunt opens the door for you. She raises her eyebrows when she sees you and looks down at her wrist watch._

_"Why aren't you at school, brat?" She asks you, standing in your way._

_"Free period." You reply. It's a very bad lie, but you're not even bothering to come up with something. You're avoiding telling her you're skipping, because you know she hates to act like a responsible adult._

_She pretends she buys it and a smirk pulls at her lips. "Here to see Sakura then?"_

_You nod curtly, resisting the urge to look away from her eyes shining with conniving light._

_She steps away. "Fine, you can go and see her but just for a bit. She's sick and needs her rest."_

_You nod and walk past her and up the stairs. You take the familiar way to Sakura's room and walk in without knocking. She's lying on the bed, curled up in a ball with a thin sheet wrapped around her. Her long hair is pulled in a ponytail and short strands are sticking to her sweaty skin._

_You frown as you get closer and you notice her flushed cheeks and heavy breathing. She really is sick. She's not drunk. She's not trying to avoid you. She's just sick._

_For some reason, relief floods in you._

_Her eyes open half-way. "Sasuke?" She sounds sleepy but her eyes widen slightly and she draws herself to a sitting position. "What are you doing here?" She asks and in her confusion, she forgets to be angry with you._

_"I wanted to make sure you're alright." You mutter, feeling slightly embarrassed under her gaze._

_"Oh.." She looks down at her hands and takes a deep breath. "Um, well.. I'm a bit sick. I think I ate something spoiled on the party yesterday." She smiles weakly. "You should leave. I'm not a very pretty picture right now, especially when my stomach starts.." She trails off and shakes her head, grimacing in revulsion.  
_

_You contemplate leaving for several moments but you realise that you don't want to leave, especially when she's seems so unwell. She watches you with confused eyes you walk up to her bed and sit at the edge of her bed. "Sakura..." You start, wondering what to say. "..tell me about your parents."_

_Predictably enough, she stiffens. "I've told you already — "_

_"There's nothing to say." You finish for her and look up. "But that's not true, is it? There must be a reason you never want to speak about them. Tell me, Sakura. You want me to let you in? Let **me** in first."_

_"I — " She seems like she wants to protest but this time you're not backing down. You want to know why she never speaks about them and why she always seems to be defensive whenever you or Naruto bring it up. There must be a story behind it. "I.. okay." Her shoulders slump in a defeated manner and you resist the urge to smirk in triumph. It's hardly the time, you think._

_"My parents... they're not bad people." She purses her lips and looks away from you and out the window. "We've never really connected in a way that children do with their parents, though. As harsh as it sounds, they're just not fit for parents. They know that and they did their best to show that to me. I know they love me, but it's for the best if we stay apart from each other. They're living in an army base in Suna, I think. The last time they emailed me was three months ago but they could have moved." She shrugs and looks back at you. "There's nothing much I can tell you about them. Even when we lived together, we simply co-existed. They did everything parents should and they never neglected me or anything but it was clear for them that they were unhappy. They never got used to the "civilian" life. So when they told me that they wanted to move to an army base in Kumo, I told them that I want to stay in Konoha and live with Aunt Tsunade."_

_She smiles a bit. "I think they were relieved. I was, too. I've always been very close to Aunt Tsunade, so she took me in immediately. I'm much happier living with her here, than when I lived with my parents." She shrugs. "That's it, basically."_

_You're quiet for a couple of minutes, trying to process the information. Strangely, you don't feel angry at Sakura for throwing away the time she can spend with her parents like you do with Naruto. After all, her parents are throwing away their time with her, too. "How long has it been since you last saw them?"_

_Her response is immediate. "Since I moved here nearly four years ago." At your surprised look, she just smiles and does a little shrug. "I do miss them but I know it's for the best this way. I'll see them again one day but for now I'm content where I am and they're too. This is what counts, isn't it?"_

_"I guess." You mutter._

_"So.." She speaks again, biting her lip. "Are you going to tell me about your parents? We don't need to talk about their... deaths. You can just tell me about them. I didn't know them very well but they seemed like fantastic parents. I bet you have a lot of stories.."_

_You smile a little. "Yeah, I do." Your smile drops and your brow furrows slightly as you think about your memories and how you'll never have the chance to make more. It's just **not **fair._

_A small, warm hand takes your and you look up at at Sakura in surprise. She smiles in you in a comforting, warm way that reminds you of your mother and the way she'll come with a cup of hot chocolate after you'd a nightmare and soothe you back to sleep. "It's okay." Sakura speaks, and in an eerie parallel, you can hear your mother's voice saying the exact some thing to you._

_This, instead of making you back away, steels your resolve._

_You look at Sakura again and squeeze her tiny hand._

_Maybe you're not ready to talk about their deaths but you you're ready to speak about them again._


	7. fuck my pathetic life

_A very short chapter. Nothing much's happening here, but I promise I'll make it up to you in the next chapter. I hope I'll update it soon. Thanks for reading and please review :)_

* * *

"Sasuke, wake up! Wake up! Sasuke!"

Your eyes open against your will. Sakura's face is hovering over yours, her green eyes wide and scared. This immediately alerts you that something is wrong and you move to sit up. Sakura moves back to give you some space, her hands falling in her lap. She glances over her shoulder at the door then looks back at you.

"What time is it?" You ask, confused. The last thing you remember is coming to see Sakura because she was sick and then telling her about the story about the disastrous — and hilarious — family vacation in third grade. How did you end up in her bed, exactly.

"It's—" She leans over you and catch a whiff of the sweet smell coming from her hair. "Um, it's 13:14. Wow, you sure slept a lot! I didn't notice how much time had passed. Does your head hurt?" She pulls back and sits on her hunches, looking at you worriedly. "I normally get this killer headaches when I sleep too much."

"No, I'm all right." You say, though you feel a little dizzy. You rub the back of your head and yawn loudly.

"Sasuke, I think there's someone in the house."

Your eyes snap open and you stare at Sakura, who looks very scared, biting on her lip. "What?"

"Auntie went out two hours ago. She was called in for emergency in the hospital and Uncle Jirayia is at Naruto's or somewhere else gathering information for his "research"." You smirk when she rolls her eyes and makes air quotes as she says research. "And I heard this noises coming from downstairs five minutes ago. First, I thought it was nothing but then they got louder. I would have gone to check what it is but I'm afraid it's an axe murderer and I'm not ready to die yet."

You blink, trying to process everything. Damn, your head is really fuzzy.

And then, you hear it. A loud noise — scratching? — coming from downstairs. Sakura jumps, her hand pressing against her mouth. She shots you a scared look and slides off the bed.

"Ohmygod, what are we going to do?" She whispered, pacing back and forth. "We can't jump out the window, we'll break most of our bones and what if we leave the room and there's someone waiting outside with this giant chainsaw, and cuts us in half before we can even process what's happening and then skins us and uses the skin and bones to make furniture? Sasuke, I don't want my future to be as a chair or a coffee table or something."

"You watched Texas Chain Saw Massacre again, didn't you?" You ask, recognising the signs. You slide off the bed and approach her, putting your hands on her shoulders to stop her from pacing and making herself dizzy, too.

"...yes." She admits. "But that could totally happen. There are some sick people out there, Sasuke, and I've got really nice skin." She looks genuinely scared as she looks up at you. You've told her times and times again to stop watching horror films but she just doesn't listen. She never listens.

"Sakura, calm down. I'll take care of this, okay? I'll go downstairs and see what's going on. You stay here and protect your... skin." She hits you on the shoulder when she sees the smirk at the end of your sentence — you really can't help it — and huffs.

"I'm going to call Naruto." She says, grabbing her phone from the bedside table. "I'll tell him to come over in case you get slaughtered and I need some back up."

"Your faith in me is touching." You say dryly as you watch her dial Naruto. She smiles cheekily at you as she pressed the phone against her ear.

"You're welcome." She replies pleasantly.

You both jump when you hear something shattering.

Sakura closes her eyes, swallowing thickly. "This better not be my aunt's crystal vase. She's going to kill me if that thing gets broken."

"Sakura, if this is a killer out there, you're most likely going to die before she gets her hands on you." You say and you move towards the door, knowing she'll probably try to hit you for your snark. You reach for the doorknob but you stop when she speaks.

"Wait!" She says and you turn around. She runs to her closet and opens it, going on her knees. She rummages through the stuff inside and you wait — not very patiently — for her to resurface. When she finally does, she has a long, wooden bat in her hands.

You shake your head. _Of course _she has a bat in her closet.

"There." She says, handing it to you. "Be careful, though. Try not to break it. I'm pretty attached to it."

You grip the bat tightly and roll your eyes. "Of course you are."

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" She snaps.

"We'll talk about this later." You say as you open the door. "Now I'm off to risk my life for you."

Her indignant expression quickly fades and she gives you a highly worried look. "Please be careful! If you see any weapon on his/hers person you immediately run back here, okay? We're going to barricade the door and call the cops. Please, Sasuke, if you die I'm never going to —"

"You talk too much." You say before you leave the room, closing the door behind you softly. Now that you're outside, in the hallway, without Sakura there to distract you, you feel your bravado slipping slightly. What if there really is some sicko out there? What if you die today?

The thought bothers you somewhat, which surprises you. For the past few months, since your parents' death, you felt so much hurt, you would have welcome dead with open arms. You wanted to be reunited with your parents.

But something's changed. You don't know what, when or how, but you no longer want to die. You look at the closed door and you suddenly know why.

You shake your head and vow to think about this later. You have to make sure the house is safe. You make you way down the hallway silently, keeping your ears and eyes open for any sound or sudden movement around you. You manage to get to the stairs without any mishaps and you look over the banister and downstairs. You see nothing out of the ordinary.

You make your way down the stairs — in the same silent, ninja-esque way — and scan your surroundings carefully for anything out of place. Maybe it's a burglar. Maybe he or she is already gone and you're going all Jackie Chan for nothing.

But then you pick up footsteps. They come from your right — the kitchen and family room are on your right. You flatten your back against the wall and move along it until you reach the edge. You peek but you don't see anything beside the shattered pieces of glass on the hardwood floor. But you definitely hear something coming from there.

You lean back and take a deep breath. Okay, what to do now. _Should I go upstairs or should I attack the motherfucker? Surely the element of surprise will give me some advantage. Unless he has a gun. Then I'm pretty much screwed._

While you have the little debate in your head, you hear another movement. The sound of footsteps — but they are too quiet, too light, and sound way too... _small._

Frowning, you peek again and your brain goes completely blank when you see a big, fat cat trying to maneuver her way between the shrads of glass on the floor, licking her mug contentedly. Your shoulders slump and you bow your head.

_Seriously? Is that God's idea of a joke or is this karma's way of screwing with me for skipping school today?_

This is a new level of lame. A new low.

You really hope Sakura hasn't called Naruto yet. He'll have a field day if he finds out you've freaked out over some cat.

How did the cat get in, anyway?

You narrow your eyes and you look around. You blink when you spot the pet entry door installed in the front door. You remember that Sakura used to have a dog when you met her but it was really, really old and it died months after you two became friends.

Are they really that stupid as to leave the entry door open for any animal to come and go as it pleases?

Apparently, yes.

You look up at the ceiling, begging for some patience, and then enter the kitchen. The cat looks startled upon your arrival and it meows, looking like she dearly regrets coming in the house, especially after seeing the bat in your hand.

You don't take your eyes off the little — actually pretty big and dear god is it _fat — _vermin as you shout Sakura's name. "Come down here, Sakura! It's safe!"

There's silence for several moments and then you hear the door opening and her footsteps running down the hallway and then the stairs, and then she's in the kitchen, right there, staring at you.

"Well, what is it?" She asks impatiently, doing a complete 360 degree turn.

"It's this." You say, pointing the bat at the frozen cat with a distasteful look on your face.

She frowns and moves further into the kitchen and gasps when she sees the car. "Queenie!" She exclaims. "Was that you?"

"Do you know it?" You ask, and she nods.

"Yeah, it's the neighbours cat. How did you get here, girl?" She asks, moving towards the cat. You noticed how the car relaxed when it saw Sakura and sighed.

_This is getting more and more pathetic by the minute._

"Oh, god no!" Sakura exclaims, staring in horror at the mess on the floor. "That's definitely my aunt's vase."

You smirk. You really don't feel very sympathetic towards her right now. "You're so dead."

...


	8. it's true love, i think

This chapter is dedicated to Crackalive. Without your encouragement and praise, I would have abandoned this fic a long time ago! :)

Thank you.

* * *

"_Sasuke… Sasuke…Sasuke…"_

_You're in a long corridor, dimly lit by dull torches. There's a voice, gentle and sweet, repeating your name over and over. You immediately __recognise it. How can you not? You look around wildly, your heart beating erratically with barely contained hope. It's been a while since you dreamed your mother alive. She's always a corpse in your dreams; unnaturally bend, surrounded by puddles and puddles of blood._

_You spot her at the end of the corridor. She glows slightly with eerie light, her black eyes staring at you, her face a mask of motherly concern. You feel your lips form a smile and you start running towards her. You can't wait to hug her. Even if it's just a dream, it's still a good enough presentation of your mother. _

'_Sasuke...' She says again. 'Sasuke...'_

'_Mum?' You ask, still running. You notice that you're not getting closer. You look over your shoulder and you see that you're further then where you were standing before, but you're not closer to your mother. You look back at her, and she's still staring ahead, but not at you. In your excitement you haven't noticed the sightless way her eyes stare ahead. There's definitely concern on her face, but she's not present. She's just a manifestation of your dreams. Probably taken from a memory. 'Mum?' You ask again._

'_Sasuke...' _

'_Can you hear me?' You ask. _

'_Sasuke...'_

'_Answer me!' _

_Your scream echoes around you, bouncing off the walls. You start when her eyes snap towards you. It's so sudden and sharp that it catches you completely off guard._

'_Mum?' You question, hardly daring to hope._

'_Sasuke...' She whispers, face softening. 'My baby...'_

_Your feet move before your brain truly registers her words. _

_Her look of horror, however, stops you._

'_Run!' She screams, face pale with horror. 'Run before he catches you!'_

_You look around. 'Who will catch me? There's no one here.'_

'_Run!' She repeats. 'Run before—' She chokes and you watch, sickened, as blood starts to dribble from the corner of her mouth and down her chin. 'He—' She chokes again, doubling over. Her arms wrap around her middle tightly and she starts to cough harshly, thin shoulders shaking with the effort it required._

_You feel scared. 'Mum, what's going on?'_

'_Run!' She screams again. She looked up and you reel back. Her eyes are bloodshot, her face is ashen, and her chin is covered in blood. You can spot the bright red in her clothes, somewhere around her stomach or chest. You realise she's bleeding, and it's serious._

'_Mum!' You start running again. You don't care this is a dream. You're not about to let her die, knowing you can stop it. 'Hold on! I'm going to help you.'_

'_No!' The scream is wild and piercing, but also commanding. You stop in your tracks, unused to hearing this tone from your mother. She falls to her knees, still hugging herself, and looks up at you pleadingly. 'You have to run, Sasuke.' She says faintly, her voice suddenly muffled by something, as if there is an invisible wall between you two. 'You have to live.' _

'_But— but... what about you?'_

_She smiles sadly. 'I'm dead.'_

_A figure suddenly appears beside your mother's collapsed figure. He's tall, his greyish hair pulled back in a ponytail. His glasses flash in the darkness as he turns to look at you._

'_No!' You yell, anger and fear bubbling inside you. 'Not you! Get away from her!'_

_He doesn't listen to you. He turns his attention on your mother, looking down at her with a smirk. 'Such a pity, really.' He says softly, raising a gun to her head. _

_You pump more strength in your legs. 'No! Don't you dare!'_

'_An unnecessary victim.' Kabuto adds. 'Mikoto-san, you should have gone home.' And then he pulls the trigger._

_A horrifying, blood-curdling roar ripples through your chest and past your lips. You watch as your mother falls to the ground without as much as a sound, her face hidden by the dark curtains of her hair. You turn to Kabuto. 'I'M GOING TO KILL YOU.'_

_The monster has the nerve to laugh._

'_Run, little Sasuke.' He croons. 'Run before I catch you.'_

...

You shot up straight, sweating and panting. You stare ahead sightlessly, listening to your heartbeat in your ears. It takes several moments for you to regain control over your breathing and realise you're not in your own bed. You recognise the feminine, floral pattern of the duvet you're wrapped in and look beside you. You see nothing. You look around and jump when you spot Sakura curled up on the armchair beside the bed, staring right at you. She's wrapped in a blanket, but you can see her shuddering slightly beneath it.

'Sakura?' You ask, confused. You look around for confirmation. Yes, you're in her room, and yes, it is night. Why? This is a question you'll need to think about more to come up with the answer.

'We were watching The Dark Knight Rises.' Sakura tells you. 'But you fell asleep. Right when Bane was trashing Bruce, by the way. I'm not going to tell Naruto if you make me pancakes for breakfast later.'

'Why didn't you wake me up?' You ask, running a hand through your damp hair. You're covered in cold sweat and your hands shake slightly, but for the most part, you've managed to regain control.

'You looked like you needed it.' Sakura tells you softly, looking at you with concern. 'You always look so tired.' She cocks her head to the side, and you notice her hair has stuck to her skin. She's sweating, too, and you're sure it's not because she was having a nightmare. 'How often do you have nightmares like this one?'

You pull the blankets off you and climb off the bed. 'Get in bed.' You order. 'You're still sick. Will you think about yourself once in a while?'

'I'm fine.' She protests, pulling the blanket closer around herself. 'See, perfectly fine.'

'Sakura, you're sweating.' You point out. 'And I saw you shudder. How high is your temperature?'

'It's the blanket!' She exclaims, pushing the blanket off her. Her body betrays her as she lets out an involuntary shudder. She deflates as realises there's no way she's going to win against you, especially after this. 'I took my medicine a few minutes ago.' She mumbles as she stands up, dropping the blanket on the armchair. She crawls on her bed and slips under the blankets. 'It'll take a while before it works.'

'You're stupid.' You tell her. You spot your phone on her bedside table and grab it. You check for any messages or missed calls by Itachi.

'I called Itachi to tell him you're spending the night here.' Sakura tells you. 'He wasn't happy, said you were going to have a talk about sleeping over on school nights.'

You scoff as you grab the blanket and sit down on the armchair. You're sick of Itachi and his attempts at controlling you.

'He's just worried about you.' Sakura says, correctly interpreting your scoff. 'It's normal, after everything that's happened. You shouldn't be so hard on him. He lost them, too, you know.'

'I know that.' You say shortly.

'It doesn't seem like it sometimes.' You look at her sharply, but she doesn't relent. 'It's true. You don't listen to him at all, even though he has your best interest in heart. You know it, too. This is some sort of vengeance against him, isn't it? But for what? What did he do to make you so unforgiving towards him?'

'I don't want to talk about this.' You say tiredly, closing your eyes.

'I want to talk about it.' You open your eyes, looking at her in surprise for the bold statement. She sits up and wraps the duvet around herself. 'I want you to tell me. I want you to share this with me. You need to share this burden with someone, Sasuke. Otherwise, it'd consume you.'

'You're sick, Sakura.' You tell her dismissively. 'You need to sleep, not listen to my problems.'

'I'm fine!' She insists. 'The medicine is starting to kick in. Besides, I do want to listen to your problems and no pesky food poisoning will stop me from it. You need this.'

'Will you stop assuming things about me?' You ask with a scowl. 'Maybe I don't need this. Maybe you're just shoving your nose where it doesn't belong.'

Her lips purse slightly, but this is the only indication of hurt she shows you. 'This time it's not going to work. You try to push me and Naruto away every time we broach the subject. You insult us, you hurt us. Do you realise what you're actually doing? You're lucky we're still your friends, Sasuke. Your attitude is awful sometimes.'

Your eyes widen as you stare at her and her serious expression. Her eyes soften as she looks at you, but that doesn't stop you from feeling guilt and hurt pool in your stomach. 'We still love you.' She says gently. 'We'll love you no matter what. That's why we want you to share this with us. We're your best friends. We care deeply about you and your problems.'

You contemplate this. You've had this conversation with her and Naruto a lot. They always tell you how much they love you, how much you mean to them, and that they are ready to hear every gritty detail of your problems. You've never actually thought of telling them. You listen to them rant, but you dismiss them. You often think they'll never get how you feel. They'll never understand because they've never lost someone close to them. What better will it do if you tell them how you feel? Will that get your parents back?

You haven't fully realised that up until now, you've associated happiness and peace with seeing your parents again. You feel like, if they're not there with you, you'll never feel happy. You'll be all right, but you won't be happy. You'll get by, but you won't feel any particular joy about your existence.

But now, as you look at Sakura's earnest, hopeful eyes, you realise that his isn't true anymore. Somehow, in the course of the past few weeks, Sakura has done something your brother and Naruto haven't managed in months; she's finally gotten through you.

And the most disturbing thing of all is... you don't mind.

'I...' You take a deep breath. Sakura gives you an encouraging look. 'Well... I'm not sure from where to start.' You look down at your hands. You don't think you'll be able to look at Sakura as you tell her this. You're sure that she'll cry. 'It was just... a shock. There really is no way to explain it. One moment I had my parents, and the next, I didn't. For the longest time I blamed myself. I don't know why. I know I couldn't have done anything. I was at school. I couldn't have done anything to prevent it.'

'And then I was just angry. I was angry at them for dying. I was angry at him for killing them. I was angry at my brother for continuing with his life while I could barely find the strength to get up in the morning. I was angry at you and Naruto for being so understanding, for being so damn nice and for being so damn _loving. _Every warm gesture made me angry. It was irrational, I know. It's not your fault at all. But I didn't care for your understanding, or your love. I just wanted my parents, and I was angry that I couldn't have them back.'

'And then I started thinking about how much I always disappointed my father. How I was never good enough. How I never managed to gain his full approval. How I never got to say to my mother how much I love her. How much I appreciated her attempts to make me feel as loved and special as Father made Itachi feel. I never got to tell her that she's the person I love the most in the world. And then—' You hear sniffing and you just know tears are streaming like a waterfall down her cheeks. But you continue determinately. If you look up, you'll lose your nerve. '—and then I started thinking 'what if I had one more day with them?' I'd tell them everything. I'd tell my mother everything I wanted to tell her. I'd ask my father why; why was I never enough for him. What could I have done to make him proud of me? Could I have done anything to make him feel proud of me? I started imagining this day with them, and it made me feel better for a while, if just marginally.'

You smile bitterly as you speak again. 'But then I realised this day isn't coming. My parents are dead. In the real world, people stay dead and they don't come back. No matter how much you beg, cry, scream and plead. I couldn't have this day with them. I'd never get tell my mother, I'd never get to ask my father. It was when the harsh reality of the situation kicked in. It was when I realised that I'd _never _see them again. It truly sunk in that I'd never see my mother's smiling face, or never here my father's almost praise. Of course, I knew that before, but it was in that moment that I finally realised the meaning of death.'

'That is when everything lost meaning. I'd be lying if I said I never contemplated taking my own life. But I quickly shut that down. I didn't want to disappoint my mother. Taking my own life was the easy way out, and I knew she wouldn't approve. So, I tried to live. I'm sure you noticed that I wasn't very successful. Every day was the same to me. I felt this emptiness inside me and it really seemed like nothing will ever be able to feel that void they left in me. You and Naruto proved to be the only distractions from the monotony of my own prison of pain and hatred. You two never gave up. You insisted to stay. You fought viciously against all of my attempts to push you away. And finally, I gave up. I let you.'

'I didn't, and still don't, like to admit that I need you. You are probably the reasons I still cling to life, beside the thought of my mother's disapproval. You are the two most alive people I know, and your energy and love of life is what makes me hope that things might get better one day.'

'Two weeks ago...' Your hands tighten into fists at the mere thought of that day. 'I went to see their killer.'

'You did what?' She yelps.

'I went to see him. I wanted answers. Why did he do it? Did he regret it?' You grit your teeth. 'He doesn't. He doesn't regret it and he probably never will. But what hurt the most wasn't his complete ruthlessness. It was his admission that if my parents hadn't been in dad's office that day, they wouldn't have died. He hadn't gone there with the intention of killing them specifically. But he killed them anyway. He had his reasons. My father was too power hungry, my mother persecuted him a few years ago and probably never let the case go. She never did when she felt justice hadn't been appropriately served. All this time I thought he had killed them for a reason, and when it turned out that they were dead just because they were there in the wrong place at the wrong time... well, I snapped.'

Sakura gasps. 'This is why you were being so... moody.'

You snort. 'Always so tactful, Sakura. You can say I was being a dick. Because I was and I didn't care all that much. You see, I have this problem of indulging in my pain without regard for other people's feelings. I used to justify it with my parents' death, but with time I realised that other people have lost their parents too, and I was just being an asshole because I could.'

'But you went through so much! Surely, you're allowed to act like this once in a while.' You finally look up. Her eyes a little pink but she isn't crying. Instead, she's looking at you with fervent light in her eyes. 'What you learned is horrible, Sasuke. What this man did to your parents is horrible. He's a terrible, disgusting human being for taking their lives just because he could do it.'

'I know that. This is what you and Naruto just don't get, Sakura. I know everything you tell me but compared to my loss? It doesn't matter at all. Rational thoughts don't matter when you're grieving. Logic fails when faced with your pain. I can't just tell myself 'things are going to get better' and automatically believe it. It'll take time, probably a lot of time, for me to fully recover, if I ever do.'

'I want you and Naruto to understand that. I might never be the same person I was before they died. In fact, I'm sure I'll never be. This has changed me. Radically. And now is my turn to ask you this... can you accept it?'

Sakura stares at you quietly for several moments. You can see the gears in her head working, so you don't speak or bother her. Instead, you shift to make yourself more comfortable and wrap the blanket around your shoulders.

'Sasuke...' Her exasperated voice makes you look at her. She looks at you like she wants to be angry, but just can't bring herself to. 'You're so stupid sometimes, you know that?'

'Huh?' You don't see anything stupid about what you've said. It is a valid question. Sakura has to come to terms with the fact that you'll never be the same. She can't cling to hope that you might return to the person you were one day.

Sakura shakes her head, looking truly amazed. 'Do you really don't see it?'

'What?' You snap, starting to get irritated.

She giggles lightly and shakes her head again. 'I should be angry but you're just so clueless.' She composes herself and looks at you seriously. 'Sasuke, I love you. I've loved you since you tripped Suigetsu after he kicked that ball that hit me and never apologised. And this is not the kind of love that just goes away. No.' She shakes her head. 'We were friends before I fell in love with you, and that makes my feelings stronger than you seem to think. It's not some silly teenage crush. I truly am in love with you. And I'll stay by you no matter what. I don't want you to change. I love you the way you are. I accept your every flaw. I accept that things are not going to be easy, that you've gone through a lot. I get it and I accept it. I accept you. _I love you.' _She smiles gently. 'And there's nothing you or anyone else can say or do to change that.'

You gape at her, completely speechless. You take in several breaths before speaking. 'Sakura...I...'

'You don't have to say anything.' She says hastily. 'I didn't tell you this expecting you to confess your undying love to me. I told you because I wanted you to be aware of how I felt, and that I'll never leave you, no matter what.'

'Uh...' You still feel overwhelmed by this. You've never thought her feelings are this deep. But you're grateful. Grateful that she can see past your mask and care enough to break through your walls. You care deeply for her, as well. You might even love her.

But for now, you can't give her what she wants. You're not yet healed enough to make her happy.

So instead of telling her how you feel, you just mumble a quiet thank you.

You can't help but hope she'll feel this way once you finally feel whole enough to function normally. You don't want to lose her.


End file.
